Yesterday I had my first Chinese lesson/language exchange with the boy I met on Shandong University campus. It went really well and I took a lot from it, and he did as well because I helped him with an English speech he was to give the following week. But there was one thing that really annoyed me.
We were having the lesson in a public place, the area filled with tall green trees at the University. There were people around us so I attributed the boy's behaviour to shyness. He talked quietly and cautiously and I had to consistently ask him to read out the Chinese sentence out loud after I'd had a go at it. Why doesn't he want to help me? I thought. Why doesn't he want to correct my mistakes? I got quite frustrated but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
A day later things began making sense. I re-read an article on the Chinese cultural importance of 'keeping face', not saying anything that might humiliate or embarrass the person in front of you. 'That must be why the boy was so reluctant to correct me', I thought. Then I remembered another Chinese boy at Birmingham University who was giving me Chinese lessons, he too was reluctant to correct me. Then I started to think about how my principle at school talks to me. I have often wanted to congratulate her on her talents at speaking so diplomatically. She will never order me to do something and she always phrases her requests as suggestions. In fact, now I come to think of it, all of the Chinese teachers that work at my school have this ability and for one thing, it makes working at the school very pleasant.
So I think next time I have a lesson with the Chinese boy I'll let him know that I want to be corrected as much as possible. I think I have decided that there are two main reasons I may get frustrated with someone: intelligence and culture. If someone has a very different intelligence than me they will do things that I wouldn't usually, which could frustrate me. Similarly with culture. Culture includes education, values, beliefs, morals, world view among other things.
This idea that I have started to formulate will save me a lot of grief in the future. Why? If I get frustrated with people in the future I can attribute it to different intelligence or different culture. Both of these factors are not in the hands of the person in front of me. Intelligence, you're born with, culture you get from your society and family. You can and do alter your culture with the life decisions you make, but the primary culture is not up for modification.
I have battled with myself for a long time about why I am the way I am. I have tried to form theories and understand but they have not led me to happiness. Acceptance is the only way, I believe. I must accept that I am the way I am (intelligence and culture) and I do not need to try to understand why. It is enough to be at peace with the way that I am, so that I can become as productive as possible. This is also true for how I see other people. I don't need to understand why people are the way they are, I can put it down to intelligence and culture, and accept them the way they are. But of course the human need to understand will always be present, but it is not possible to understand everything. If I learn to accept everything though that will be a great achievement.
We all feel the pressure to conform to a 'societal ideal'. One element of the societal ideal as is part of my understanding is 'being sociable'. This is something I have wrestled with for a long time. Personally, I enjoy the company of certain people. People who are non-judgmental, positive, relaxed and who share a similar intelligence and culture to me. I have not met many people so far that fulfil these criteria.
As an introvert, I 'charge my batteries' when I am at home on my own. I need a lot of time on my own to read, write, exercise, and most importantly think. For me thinking is close to breathing in my list of priorities. I need to think about things like life, cultures etc. to help me feel whole.
I don't like how society labels people as 'sociable' or 'anti-sociable', what about people in between? For me, I need to send the vast majority of my time with my self and my thoughts. But this is not just in the house. I need some sort of social contact everyday, even if it is something as small as buying something from the local shop. The sociologist Charles Horton Cooley thought that our self is created by society. If that is true then perhaps my need to be in society at least once a day, may be a way of reaffirming my self.
So this part of me that does not live to the 'societal ideal' in my mind, has been a real challenge to accepting myself. But I have found that trying to explain my behavior does not lead me to happiness either. I have thus decided to accept the way I am and stop digging deeper to try to 'understand', instead putting it down to the vague categories of intelligence and culture and leaving it at that (not even trying to dissect these categories). As one who enjoys thinking and solving 'problems', it will be a challenge for me to just 'accept', but I'm ready for the challenge because I know for certain that the only place it will lead will be happiness.
We were having the lesson in a public place, the area filled with tall green trees at the University. There were people around us so I attributed the boy's behaviour to shyness. He talked quietly and cautiously and I had to consistently ask him to read out the Chinese sentence out loud after I'd had a go at it. Why doesn't he want to help me? I thought. Why doesn't he want to correct my mistakes? I got quite frustrated but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
A day later things began making sense. I re-read an article on the Chinese cultural importance of 'keeping face', not saying anything that might humiliate or embarrass the person in front of you. 'That must be why the boy was so reluctant to correct me', I thought. Then I remembered another Chinese boy at Birmingham University who was giving me Chinese lessons, he too was reluctant to correct me. Then I started to think about how my principle at school talks to me. I have often wanted to congratulate her on her talents at speaking so diplomatically. She will never order me to do something and she always phrases her requests as suggestions. In fact, now I come to think of it, all of the Chinese teachers that work at my school have this ability and for one thing, it makes working at the school very pleasant.
So I think next time I have a lesson with the Chinese boy I'll let him know that I want to be corrected as much as possible. I think I have decided that there are two main reasons I may get frustrated with someone: intelligence and culture. If someone has a very different intelligence than me they will do things that I wouldn't usually, which could frustrate me. Similarly with culture. Culture includes education, values, beliefs, morals, world view among other things.
This idea that I have started to formulate will save me a lot of grief in the future. Why? If I get frustrated with people in the future I can attribute it to different intelligence or different culture. Both of these factors are not in the hands of the person in front of me. Intelligence, you're born with, culture you get from your society and family. You can and do alter your culture with the life decisions you make, but the primary culture is not up for modification.
I have battled with myself for a long time about why I am the way I am. I have tried to form theories and understand but they have not led me to happiness. Acceptance is the only way, I believe. I must accept that I am the way I am (intelligence and culture) and I do not need to try to understand why. It is enough to be at peace with the way that I am, so that I can become as productive as possible. This is also true for how I see other people. I don't need to understand why people are the way they are, I can put it down to intelligence and culture, and accept them the way they are. But of course the human need to understand will always be present, but it is not possible to understand everything. If I learn to accept everything though that will be a great achievement.
We all feel the pressure to conform to a 'societal ideal'. One element of the societal ideal as is part of my understanding is 'being sociable'. This is something I have wrestled with for a long time. Personally, I enjoy the company of certain people. People who are non-judgmental, positive, relaxed and who share a similar intelligence and culture to me. I have not met many people so far that fulfil these criteria.
As an introvert, I 'charge my batteries' when I am at home on my own. I need a lot of time on my own to read, write, exercise, and most importantly think. For me thinking is close to breathing in my list of priorities. I need to think about things like life, cultures etc. to help me feel whole.
I don't like how society labels people as 'sociable' or 'anti-sociable', what about people in between? For me, I need to send the vast majority of my time with my self and my thoughts. But this is not just in the house. I need some sort of social contact everyday, even if it is something as small as buying something from the local shop. The sociologist Charles Horton Cooley thought that our self is created by society. If that is true then perhaps my need to be in society at least once a day, may be a way of reaffirming my self.
So this part of me that does not live to the 'societal ideal' in my mind, has been a real challenge to accepting myself. But I have found that trying to explain my behavior does not lead me to happiness either. I have thus decided to accept the way I am and stop digging deeper to try to 'understand', instead putting it down to the vague categories of intelligence and culture and leaving it at that (not even trying to dissect these categories). As one who enjoys thinking and solving 'problems', it will be a challenge for me to just 'accept', but I'm ready for the challenge because I know for certain that the only place it will lead will be happiness.
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