I have crawled out of my blogless-cave once again. Often when I'm feeling down I tend not to blog. Also there are times in my life when I don't have anything I think is that interesting to share. Or I may be in a transition phase, where I'm working something out with myself and don't know really know what it is, so I can't yet write about it.
I have been going through a transition phase that was generated by my feeling down. Here in China I don't have enough to do. I work all weekend but then only one hour on Tuesday and two hours on Friday. I live on my own and so I don't have a constant supply of emotional support to live on.
I could fill my time with all sorts of things though, right? I could learn Chinese, I could take up a new sport, I could travel (but not really because of my fragmented, slightly frustrating teaching schedule, but actually that's where my list ends. The thing is, all my life that's exactly what I have been doing; blindly filling my time with various activities. But actually, right now I am getting close to what I feel is my purpose in life.
I want to be a gardener. I want to set-up an intentional community where we are pretty sustainable and grow organic food. We would be a family or tribe and we would actually have to rely on each other. One of the feelings that gave birth to this idea was the great sense of detachment from other people I feel in China. I go to work, to teach kids that often don't want to be there, then buy things from people I don't know, who often don't want to be there, and go home. I have no real relationships with anyone that provides my services or anyone that I provide services for. There was once a time when small communities cared for and needed each other but with the growing detachment of people from what they consume, due to 'efficiency', we have become less human.
So back to the intentional community and gardening. I want to be a gardener of the land and mind. When you work with the land you become connected to nature. When you care for the land, you care for yourself. Just as in gardening when you pull out weeds and plant seeds, so in the mind we can pull out our negative, destructive thoughts that stop us from being who we truly are, and plant positive thoughts.
So that's the main concept of the community. Gardening of the land and mind. I find the word gardening has more beauty and love than the word farming. To me, the connotations of farming are slightly destructive, quite intense and mechanical.
That's why I have reduced my contract here in China to 6 months, instead of 12. I want to get on with my purpose in life, because teaching English is not it. I have already spent many years fulfilling what was expected of me - in particular the last year of studying at the University which I has withdrawn from - I'm not prepared to waste anymore time. Also the heavy pollution here was another 'push factor'. Although I would love to be busy outside the house, to fill these long hours I've got, I am also worried for my health. Some days you can't see a few metres in front of you.
But I couldn't have asked for a better school or nicer staff members. I couldn't have asked for nicer people than those that live in Jinan. These people have made me feel safe, happy and have taught me greater generosity.
I have been going through a transition phase that was generated by my feeling down. Here in China I don't have enough to do. I work all weekend but then only one hour on Tuesday and two hours on Friday. I live on my own and so I don't have a constant supply of emotional support to live on.
I could fill my time with all sorts of things though, right? I could learn Chinese, I could take up a new sport, I could travel (but not really because of my fragmented, slightly frustrating teaching schedule, but actually that's where my list ends. The thing is, all my life that's exactly what I have been doing; blindly filling my time with various activities. But actually, right now I am getting close to what I feel is my purpose in life.
I want to be a gardener. I want to set-up an intentional community where we are pretty sustainable and grow organic food. We would be a family or tribe and we would actually have to rely on each other. One of the feelings that gave birth to this idea was the great sense of detachment from other people I feel in China. I go to work, to teach kids that often don't want to be there, then buy things from people I don't know, who often don't want to be there, and go home. I have no real relationships with anyone that provides my services or anyone that I provide services for. There was once a time when small communities cared for and needed each other but with the growing detachment of people from what they consume, due to 'efficiency', we have become less human.
So back to the intentional community and gardening. I want to be a gardener of the land and mind. When you work with the land you become connected to nature. When you care for the land, you care for yourself. Just as in gardening when you pull out weeds and plant seeds, so in the mind we can pull out our negative, destructive thoughts that stop us from being who we truly are, and plant positive thoughts.
So that's the main concept of the community. Gardening of the land and mind. I find the word gardening has more beauty and love than the word farming. To me, the connotations of farming are slightly destructive, quite intense and mechanical.
That's why I have reduced my contract here in China to 6 months, instead of 12. I want to get on with my purpose in life, because teaching English is not it. I have already spent many years fulfilling what was expected of me - in particular the last year of studying at the University which I has withdrawn from - I'm not prepared to waste anymore time. Also the heavy pollution here was another 'push factor'. Although I would love to be busy outside the house, to fill these long hours I've got, I am also worried for my health. Some days you can't see a few metres in front of you.
But I couldn't have asked for a better school or nicer staff members. I couldn't have asked for nicer people than those that live in Jinan. These people have made me feel safe, happy and have taught me greater generosity.
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